Losing My Mormonism
Posted by Josh | Filed under Ex Mormonism, Hope for the Future
I have undergone some major changes in my life as of late, and I have been relatively quiet about them. Those who know me personally, know that I have been a devout Mormon or “Latter-day Saint” all my life. And those of you who really know me best, know that I am no longer affiliated with the organization.
Washing a mind clean from the dulling darkness of a cult mentality is a process both difficult, and long. And there are those who would try to tell me based on that last sentence, that I have it so backwards that they are frightened for my eternal welfare.
Amidst my awakening, I accidentally brought my best friend, with me. And it has been even more difficult for her. At times I feel sorry for being so open about where I am. She has family that are still devout church members, and have a passion for the “Truthfulness” upon which the church professes to have a monopoly. This causes my friend to feel it best to hide her feelings. Hiding a new and drastically different set of beliefs from whom you love, is heart breaking, and it has been an emotional strain that I can scarcely bare to witness at times. Often, I feel that perhaps I’ve done wrong by sharing my exit with her, however I cannot feel ashamed for sharing honesty and what I have found to be glaring, and exposing truths about an organization that continues to white wash it’s sordid past as it consumes the minds of the lesser informed.
Those who have subjected themselves for whatever reasons to the clutches of the LDS double-bind, cannot detect the lies upon which they base their lives, nor will they dare to try and reconcile the inconsistencies and paradoxes that riddle the doctrine and principals they claim so unshakable. It is almost impossible to escape the Escher space that binds unsuspecting minds, and the mazes of dizzying intellect. Once one has come to the brink, to the edge, to the end, a would be escapist is confronted by either social aspects or the comforting/terrifying doctrine of the eternal Next, and the eternal cultist question returns: “What if it is true?” More often than not, by this question alone, a Mormon, frightened by staring into the darkness that the rest of the world fears/enjoys/accepts, is coerced back into the cardboard box of dogma that provides answers to this and other questions of eternity in plain english (or what ever language you happen to speak in your part of the world).
In the vastness of space, in the empty halls of what is truly humanity as it is, Mormons and other cults have built a home, a make-shift refuge, appeasing and ultimately controlling the minds of those willing to accept their confines of folded paper. It is comfortable, when compared to the frightening expanse that lies just outside the corrugated flaps of the pealing cardboard fort. Standing beside the old fort with one’s feet upon the vistas of reality, one can see clearly that the structure is unfit for residence. One finds that beneath the surface of it’s modern dogma are layers and layers of paint and paper holding it together, and evidence of a much earlier dwelling, a dilapidated ramshackle of what was merely a once exciting, collection of a grown man’s childlike imaginations.
Mormonism is not what it professes to be. It has abandoned its past leaders at the core but continues to teach their pleasantries. The majority of earlier church dogma is no longer taught, for if it were, the church would lose its membership rapidly.
