Antsy, Bored, Busy, and Bound for Failure
Posted by Josh | Filed under Hope for the Future
I wish I could say that my lack of activity on the ol’ blog was due to an over abundance of drinking, and Guitar Hero III, but I can’t. Not only have I been cutting back on the spirits, but I have also decided against purchasing a gaming system just for the sake of GH3. The reason, and possible excuse for my reduction in blog production is the efforts I’m spending on another web project. Now, I’m not 100% pleased with where my efforts have gotten me yet, but I’m getting my ass back into podcasting, and for a number of reasons. I’m not really going to get into those reasons just yet, because I have learned that although it helps many people in society to tell others their personal goals, for the “keeps you honest” factor, I tend to find that I have the exact opposite to the desired result when I tell people my goals.
I have had such a history (going way back to my childhood) of not doing what I say I’m saying I’m going to do, if the project is personal. If it’s for someone else, I could tell anyone, and it will happen, but if I’m going to do it for me, all I have to do is tell someone about my idea, and the idea is as good as never considered in the first place. I don’t know where the break down is in my psychology, but I have just developed a habit of quiting all personal projects once the project has been voiced to someone other than myself. The notion of a personal project suddenly becomes a monumental mountain of boredom, as soon as I’ve talked it out to someone. I’ve even noticed that If I do something stupid, like tell myself in a mirror, or say it out loud in anyway, or write it down in too much detail somewhere (all things that self-help books recommend by the way) It’s the same as telling someone, and therefore an instant boredom barrier goes up between me and my personal goals.
I wish I know what caused it, or how it started. The worst part about it all is, that I can’t seem to help myself when it comes to telling people my plans. As much as it seems that telling someone is the exact thing causing, or leading to the break down, I tend to do it anyway, and often before I realize it. In fact I just told a friend of mine over IM all about the project, and it wasn’t until I stopped talking to her that I realized I had just committed the infamous personal project no-no.
So that’s why you have me blogging all of a sudden, in the middle of my project. Firstly, because now that I’ve told someone, I have time again to do anything but this project [because the personal project boredom has already begun], and Secondly, because writing this entry is my last ditch attempt to keeping my project alive. I figure if I tell the world I plan on failing, I’m bound to fail at failing, and possibly forever.
I hope it works, even if only for this one project, that I’m not going to tell you about.
